He clicked a suspiciously large green button that promised "HIGH SPEED DOWNLOAD – NO VIRUS – 100% LEGIT." Almost instantly, his screen exploded. Not literally—though that would have been more exciting—but with a relentless barrage of pop-ups.
Suddenly, the screen went black. A single line of text appeared in neon green:
Wade’s eyes went wide behind his mask. He slammed the laptop shut so hard the plastic cracked. He sat in silence for a moment, the only sound the distant hum of the refrigerator.
The text changed:
The white box in his head sighed. Wade, you’re downloading a Trojan horse. Your laptop is literally screaming in binary right now.
"It’s not pirating if it’s about me!" he argued with the yellow box in his head. "It’s... archival research. Digital self-discovery. And besides, have you seen the price of movie tickets lately? I’d have to sell another kidney, and those take at least twenty minutes to grow back."
"Ooh, a cruise," Wade leaned in, his finger hovering over the mouse. "Do you think they have an all-you-can-eat taco bar? I bet the security is terrible. We could take over the ship and rename it the S.S. Regenerating Degenerate ."